27 Dec 2016
To all you despondent Small “L”liberals, Labour centrists, social justice warriors and everyone out there.
Depressed by Donald Trump, Corey Bernadi and scared of the alt-right, here is my festive message: get off the ground, you wusses. Put down your gingerbread lattes, and put up your dukes.
Let us consult the wisdom of Sean Connery’s Malone in The Untouchables, and adapt it to our times. You want to get the alt-right?
Here’s how you get them. They pull a knife, you pull a gun. They send one of yours to the hospital, you send one of theirs to the morgue. That’s the Chicago way.
Before we proceed, and to avoid litigation, let me emphasise that I am speaking metaphorically. If you were by any chance planning to mark Boxing Day by going after a member of the far right with a spear, please don’t.
Its against the law, it will only complicate matters. It is also likely to give you indigestion after all those turkey sandwiches.
Still, in every other respect, it really is time to stop sobbing and toughen up for 2017.
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