the ONION
Edited by S W T Read : May 18
This is the first ever release of the first-ever non-computer.
This is a fully unusable device specially designed to address the demands of individuals who have absolutely no need to own a computer.
Reporters were told the non-computer was a long-overdue innovation that would finally allow consumers with zero interest in computers to enjoy all the benefits of not having one.
For too long, manufacturers have catered exclusively to people expressing at least minimal interest in what a computer has to offer, meanwhile, there's an untapped group of consumers out there who've been telling us for years, "No thanks. Computers aren't really for me.
As of today, someone's finally listening."
If you've never wanted a computer, this is the product you've been waiting for!
The non-computer, with its total lack of any software, keyboard, monitor, memory, or internal circuitry whatsoever, was constructed to free users from the computing functions that have historically turned off people who don't like using computers.
It is expected to retail for $4.99, the non-computer, it is the ideal machine for anyone who can't imagine typing, surfing the web, or sending an e-mail.
The whole non-computer, including all non-peripherals, weighs less than a pound, and that because it doesn't need a power source to charge the battery it doesn't have, the device is extremely portable.
It doesn't matter if you're in a coffee shop, on a plane, or camping in the middle of the woods, the non-computer's inability to even switch on, let alone pick up a Wi-Fi signal, means you'll be able to not use a computer wherever you are.
It's just great and so easy to use.
THE FIRST OPEN SOURCE NON-COMPUTER
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