'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves","Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the north poleWere alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear that Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid, were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!?
The runners had been removed from his sleigh,the runnerswere termed dangerous by the Health and Safety.
And people had started to call for the cops, when they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened. His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows, Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose, he had gone on TV, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife, who suddenly said she'd enough of this life, joined a self-help group, packed, and left, demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd never had a notion that making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute, nothing to aim, nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise, nothing for just girls or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific, nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth, nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden, were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychologica, who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt, besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe and Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed, he just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay, but you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, toys did not abound nothing fully acceptable was to be found.Something special was needed, a gift that he might give to all, without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision each group of people, every religion.
Every ethnicity, every colour to for everyone, everywhere...even for you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth..."May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."
This document is copyright (c) Harvey Ehrlich 1992. Modified by S W T Read