29 Jul 2012

OLYMPIC OPENING CEREMONY...IT WORKED

Congratulation to you guys in Great Briton, your opening ceremony was almost as good as Sydney and maybe next time you'll be perfect, so keep on trying.

May I say YOU'VE DONE VERY WELL

27 Jul 2012

OLYMPICS HAS SOUL STOLEN! FOR THE MIGHTY BUCK!

THE JOKES ON LONDON
WHAT AN OVERKILL!


Brand Police Wearing purple caps and tops. A new kind of thought police

These experts in trading and advertising working for the Olympic Delivery Authority (ODA) are heading the biggest brand protection operation staged in the UK.

This is serious stuff, read below to see just some the things that are banned. They're even checking shops that may be displaying good stacked like the Olympic rings(oops! I could get fined, could I?)

 Under legislation specially introduced for the London Games, they have the right to enter shops and offices and bring court action with fines of up to £20,000.

Olympics organisers have warned businesses that during London 2012 their advertising should not include a list of banned words, including "gold", "silver" and "bronze", "summer", "sponsors" and "London", if they give the  impression of a formal connection to the Olympics. See examples of banned and allowed advertising below.

 The Banned Words.
The Olympics legislation bans the use by unauthorised businesses (non-sponsors) of 'controlled representations', depending on the context. This is the list of just some 'controlled representations'


London
Games
Summer
Two thousand and twelve
2012
Twenty Twelve
Medals
Gold
Silver
Bronze
BANNED: Smithers Running Shorts: ‘ Made in London 2012’
BANNED using these word
Olympic (s)
Olympiad (s)
Olympian (s)
The Paralympic Symbol (the three 'agitos')
The Paralympic Motto ('Spirit in Motion')
Paralympic (s)
Paralympiad (s)
Paralympian (s)
Anything shown in Red is banned(Maybe the colour is banned to, I'm not sure)
ARE THESE THE PEOPLES GAMES OR THE MULTI-NATIONAL'S
JUST A FIST FULL OF DOLLARS
THAT'S ALL I ASK!


OLYMPICS..JUST WHO ARE WE COMPETING AGAINST

WHO IS AUSTRALIA COMPETING WITH AT THE OLYMPICS
IS IT REALLY THE ENGLISH?


The English are British and lots of people think the British are English but are they right?

This is particularly annoying to the Scottish and Welsh because some think they're British yet some think they're not, then there's some who think they are but they don't want to be.

All agree that they definitely are not English.

Then there's the Irish, most think they are Irish, apart from the ones who are Northern Irish, that makes them British and Irish.
Then there's the others who disagree and say they should just be Irish, they aren't British either, just part of the United Kingdom.

People from England, Scotland, Wales or Northern Ireland can all play cricket for England because they are British, so can those from Ireland, though they aren't British. So can South Africans by the way, why I haven't got a clue.

The English play football for England but if they aren't that good, they might try to play for Ireland.

People from the Isle of Wight are English, from Anglesey they're Welsh and from the Orkneys are Scottish.

Now you would think they aren't from Britain, think again, they are still British?

The Channel Islanders depend on the crown, the Queen wears one.
They aren't in the UK or EU and those from the Isle of Man are the same, apart from their cats, where they fit in Ill never know!

Being an Australian I am well qualified to understand such an eclectic mix. Living as we do in the land down under we have always rallied when we have been called ex-convicts, who indeed came from everywhere and were often called bastards.

So now, I think when reading this article you people in the UK(I think) will be more understanding of the way we feel when called ex-convict bastards.
We have got used to this kind of abuse over the years.

We in Australia at least know we are Australian and are not the least bit confused unlike you lot.

The article written above has extracts from a BBC magazine, given that this is such a well respected organization I must be taken it as gospel.

I have come to the conclusion that you lot have no idea who you are, or who you want to be, it's quite sad, my whole world has been turned upside down.

You lot are just a pack of bastards like us, I am totally disillusioned with my heritage.

Here's me thinking I am from English stock, which stock, I don't know any more.

Maybe I should just be satisfied to be a con..........man.
MY CONVICT UNIFORM
I KNOW WHERE I COME FROM!




25 Jul 2012

OLYMPIC PAINTERS TO TAKE A SHINE TO POST BOXES.

By ADAM SHERGOLD
Royal Mail to change colour of its post boxes from red to gold for first time to celebrate GB Olympic champions

Is this going to be enough paint, things are tight
is one can enough?
OR IS this all about MORE belt tightening?



For years, Britons have strolled down to the street corner to post everything from romantic love letters to mundane tax returns in the familiar red Royal Mail post box.

Now for the first time in 140 years, the colour of your local post box could be about to change - to a distinctly golden hue. 
Every time a British athlete wins a gold medal in the Olympics or Paralympics this summer, Royal Mail are to paint a post box in their home town gold to celebrate, mind you just how many they expect to paint is obvious from this photograph..


Mark Thompson (left), Olympics Director for the Royal Mail, and Paul Sheldrake apply the finishing touches to the first golden post box in Westminster
These Post box painters don't seem very confident about the Gold Medal Tally for Britain, mind you they say you can make a little go a long way when you have to.


If the clothes are anything to go by, these guys seem well looked after, but they can't be expecting to much painting to be required in this type attire....this is working gear!

CAMERA vs THE MIGHT OF A PENCIL

Pencil Vs Camera series by Belgian visual artist Ben Heine


A fine line: A blonde has her polka dot dress tugged at by a bunny rabbit A bird blares out music from a boombox around his neck: Ben begins by taking a picture of an everyday scene then covers part of the shot with a sketch - transforming the bland backdrops into intriguing scenarios
A blonde looks away as a male admirer with flowers is left with a broken heart: The artist said he has been deeply influenced by Belgian Surrealism, German Expressionism, American Pop Art and Social RealismStorm approaching: An image from Spain of a man reaching out to the skies. Ben Heine said: 'I like to stretch people's imaginations. A monkey on the underground, why not?'
Bizarre: Model Caroline Madison lies on the ground in London in another image from the galleryReeling in a whopper: A fisherman appears to catch an unusual trawl in this perspective-bending picture taken in Tunisia as part of the Pencil Vs Camera series by Belgian visual artist Ben Heine

21 Jul 2012

BRITISH DOTH COMPLAINETH TO MUCH


THE ENGLISH NATIONAL SPORT OF COMPLAINING

 ABOUT EVERYTHING NOT  AN OLYMPIC SPORT!

Boy they are not happy chappies a Gold Medal was assured!
The international press however have not lost their touch in finding out just how upset the Brit's are, why, because Brit's are are really good at complaining as can been seen below in these excerpts from various news outfits.
Call it grumbling, griping, grizzling, grouching – take your pick. Any number of complaining verbs have been attached to the adjective "British" as overseas commentators descending on the Olympics try to convey the spirit of the host nation before the Games.
As congestion chaos fears and security debacle woes dominate at home, the world's media salivate as Britons conform to type – emerging as a bunch of moaners.
"While the world's athletes limber up at the Olympic Park.
Londoners are practising some of their own favourite sports: complaining, expecting the worst and cursing the authorities.
"Even in the best of times, whingeing, is their default response to life's challenges, is part of the national condition – as integral to the country's character as its attitude towards the weather."
"But even allowing for the traditional exaggeration, this degree of distress has a different tone to it."
A simple attempt at analysis, has deduced that the British celebrate their Britishness with gusto and abandon, the "grandiosely expensive" royal wedding last year, and the four-day national holiday for the Queen's diamond jubilee.
The Olympics however have nothing to do with Britishness or so say offerings from the foreign press would have us believe.
Sports such as boxing, taekwondo, beach volleyball and synchronised swimming as examples to prove this thesis that "the Olympics are a foreign world event being imposed upon London from outside.
That's why the British are showing so little enthusiasm for the Games we are told.
"Troops everywhere, long lines and moans and yes, there may be security gaps, cracks on the M4 viaduct, and predicted queues at Heathrow.
 Are the wheels coming off London's Games or are Britons just finding excuses to grumble?"
No the the wheels are not falling off! It will be a great Olympics just enjoy.
Complain all you like afterwards, if there's stuff ups, but let's wait and see..What do you reckon, give them a fair go........! 
I know they're not Australians, but they want to be as good as us, let them try..Hay!

SAVE THE BUSH...No not the Australian bush, this bush makes a point!


Giving the green finger: Gardener who carved bush into rude gesture ordered to remove it 

  • Richard Jackson has been accused of committing a public order offence
  • Police and council tell him to remove middle-finger.He refuses, and why shouldn't he!
A gardener who carved a giant bush into a hand displaying a rude gesture has been ordered to remove it after being accused of committing a public order offence.
Richard Jackson has displayed the offending topiary, which shows the middle-finger sign, in his garden for the last eight years.
The 53-year-old has now been told by the council to alter it after a neighbour complained, but he has refused to comply.
'Public order offence': The council has ordered that this bush carved into the shape of an offensive hand gesture in Richard Jackson's garden be altered after a complaint from a neighbour
'Public order offence': The council has ordered that this bush carved into the shape of an offensive hand gesture in Richard Jackson's garden be altered after a complaint from a neighbour
Mr Jackson, from Tamworth, Staffordshire, said: 'I was contacted by the police and they said the council had been in touch because somebody had complained to them about it.
'Apparently, one person was offended by it and the police said it was a public order offence.
 
    'I don't intend to change it though - I’m not a trouble maker and I don’t want to offend anyone, but at the same time it’s been here for eight years already and I don’t see why I should have anybody telling me what to change in my garden.'

    Mr Jackson says his neighbours are backing his pledge to the keep the shrubbery and have even started a ‘Save the Bush’ campaign.


    20 Jul 2012

    FUTURE AUSTRALIAN GOVERNMENT TO LIFT GST TO HELP MINERS!


    Joe Hockey opens door to higher GST Abbot closed it, or did he?

    Two weeks after Tony Abbott ruled out Coalition government changes to the GST, Mr Hockey rephrased the answer on the question of altering the tax.
    “If you are going to have a discussion about changing the GST our colleagues in the states have to lead the argument because they are the ones that need the revenue,” Mr Hockey said.
    “They are getting every dollar of the GST; it is effectively their tax.
    “They have got to put a case to the Australian people, and convince the Australian people that the GST needs to be changed.”
    On July 4, the Opposition Leader gave “a categorical no”, when asked if he would raise the GST.
    “We will not change the GST,” he said, however they would put it up given the chance by the states. 
    But he suggested it would be considered if the states convinced the community of the need for such a move.
    “They have to take the community with them, and they are not doing that at the moment he said.
    Assistant Treasurer David Bradbury said Mr Hockey wanted his “Liberal premiers mates” to do the hard yards in arguing for a GST hike.
    If Mr Hockey is really saying he thinks there is a case to increase the GST he should make it clear a future Coalition government is thinking of jacking up the GST and slugging consumers with higher taxes to cover the loss of the Mining tax and the tax cuts to the lower wage earners.
    This could be ammunition for the Gillard government, could it be that this is the Coalition's great big lie at the next election.

    18 Jul 2012

    THE CHURCH IS STILL BLIND



    THE prospect of a government forcing priests to report what was said in confession is the sign of a "police state mentality", says a priest and law professor in Australia.
    This is one priest who obviously has his head in the sand about sexual abuse.
    Hundreds of years of Catholic tradition in the confessional could be overturned by Victoria's inquiry into child sex abuse.
    Priests would be ordered to reveal crimes told to them in private confessions under one proposal before the inquiry.
    But priests say they will resist being forced to reveal secrets of the confessional. So the church still believes in cover-up apparently.
    Priest and Law professor Father Frank Brennan said the move would be a restriction on religious freedom.
    I ask you, since when has religious freedom been threatened by honesty and justice, surely they are the pillars of our society.
    The cover up of heinous crimes should never be condoned.
    This church has condemned extremist religious groups because of their secrecy, yet now it is now claiming that secrecy is beneficial to ensure religious freedom, what a load of rubbish.
    Father Frank Brennan said: “If a parliamentary inquiry were to recommend a law by parliament saying that priests were forced to disclose anything revealed to them in the sacrament of confession I think that would be a serious interference with the right of religious freedom.” 
    This suggested change in the law doesn't ask that everything be disclosed, it only asks that crimes should be notified to the authorities, surely in year 2012 there can be no good reason to withhold this type of information.
    Father Brennan said. “Indeed it would be a very sad day if we moved to a police state mentality", It’s almost of Russian dimensions to suggest Catholic priests would have to reveal to state authorities what went on under the seal of the confessional.
    “I am one of the priests who, if such a law were enacted, would disobey it and if need be I would go to jail.”he said.
    Perhaps Father Frank Brennan it would wake up the community if you were to serve a stint in jail, because I don't think there would be a lot of sympathy for you from the public.
    This issue highlights why so many people are walking away from the church........the church is blind.....by choice....are there too many secrets to expose...maybe there is !

    17 Jul 2012

    TRUE LAW...ONLY IN Ireland...Tank God!


    The Defamation Act 2009 (active)
    In an interesting return to the Middle Ages, Irish president Mary McAleese recently signed into law the Irish Defamation Act 2009, including clauses that make it illegal to say anything “that is grossly abusive or insulting in relation to matters held sacred by any religion, thereby causing outrage among a substantial number of the adherents of that religion; and he or she intends, by the publication of the matter concerned, to cause such outrage”.
    Outraged human rights activists and atheists vowed to test the law by deliberately releasing blasphemous statements.
    The rest of us, meanwhile, should be pleased to hear that in an act of selfless generosity, they did cut the fine for blasphemy from €100,000 to a measly €25,000.  Jaysus, sure isn’t that a bargain!
    A warning to Australians going abroad, keep your mouth shut and pray a lot....
    THEY DON'T MAKE BOXES BIG ENOUGH IN AUSTRALIA
    Tank God!

    THE MONTY PYTHON SECURITY SYSTEM...LONDON OLYMPICS?


    This story was written as a joke--then we found out it was true!

    Police have been dragged off the beat to work on the Olympics after dozens of G4S security guards failed to turn up for work, it emerged yesterday.

    Just four of the 58 staff expected to report for duty at the Hilton Hotel in Gateshead, Tyne and Wear, showed up, one of whom later disappeared.

    In Salford, Greater Manchester, only 17 of the 56 G4S staff due at another Olympic team hotel could be bothered to present themselves for work.

    By the way this is the same firm that guards English prisoners in jails right across the country, and in Australia these are the same people have run detention centres for refugees.

    Home Secretary Theresa May admitted yesterday that she has no idea how many G4S staff will turn up for work – raising the prospect that thousands more soldiers may have to be deployed, on top of the 3,500 who have already been called up.

    A G4S memo revealed that the company’s bosses deliberately failed to train people early because it would not be ‘cost-effective’.
    The document, obtained by Channel 4 News stated : ‘It would have been an advantage to have everyone trained months in advance but this was neither practical nor cost-effective.’


    West Midlands Police Federation chairman Ian Edwards said: ‘It’s chaos, absolute chaos. You shouldn’t lose your local police officer because of the Olympics.’

    The position of G4S chief executive Nick Buckles looked increasingly perilous last night.

    G4S could lose more than £700million of future Government work – including running prisons and police stations – after its reputation has been tarnished by the latest debacle.

    Isn't outsourcing a great idea and doesn't it make London look great, it's a bit like the Life of Boris or Faulty Towers.

    THEY GAVE US JOBS AS SECURITY GUARDS Ha,Ha,Ha............
    TRAINING WHAT A JOKE!
    "The Holy Grail"

    Yes Boris just a scrach, We'll win in the End. I promise!


    16 Jul 2012

    THIS IS A REAL DIY JOB...OR JUST DUMB


    The Star
    THIS WOULD BRING TEARS TO THE EYES
    A NORTH Derbyshire man who was desperate to become a woman carried out a DIY sex change procedure by slicing off his own testicles.
    The 22-year-old from Chesterfield was so determined to undergo gender realignment surgery he decided to take the drastic measure himself without the usual anaesthetics.
    He then discarded his testicles in the local Queen's Park and astonishingly waited 24 hours before going to hospital.
    The man told stunned doctors in Chesterfield Royal Hospital's accident and emergency department that he had experienced 'a lot less pain' than he had expected.
    Medics used swabs, stitches and anaesthetics to tend to his wounds and try to repair the damage.
    The patient was also offered psychiatric help to deal with the issues that led to the self-inflicted injuries.
    A spokesman for Chesterfield Royal Hospital NHS Trust said: "A man in his early twenties presented himself at the hospital minus his testicles, which he had removed the previous day.
    "He was treated, then discharged.
    "We can say no more because of patient confidentiality - but this is pretty unusual."
    It is thought the man had been suffering from 'gender confusion issues' when he resorted to the drastic procedure.
    FOR SALE EBAY

    GO FOR MONEY....TYPICAL OF AN AUSTRALIAN!

    An Australian entrepreneur has spent more than two full days on the toilet to raise money for a new business venture.

    Simon Griffiths, 29, has been on the toilet for 51 hours in an attempt to raise $50,000 to fund the first production of his socially-responsible toilet paper – Who Gives A Crap – which he plans to sell and split the profits 50/50 with WaterAid.

    He then plans to build toilets in places in the developing world that are desperately in need of improved sanitation.



    For instance, at Parliament house, it's full of the stuff and much of the time they're standing up. Mind you most of the time they are sitting on there hands.

    Imagine how productive they could be! Shit and think!

    He said: "It’s borne out of using disgusting toilets myself and being concerned for my own personal hygiene. It’s a much, much higher risk for people who live in those circumstances." 

    WHAT A LAUGH
    "I DON'T GIVE A CRAP, BUT NOW THERE'S MONEY IN IT!...WELL..1 MIGHT THINK AGAIN!
    HOW MUCH COULD I MAKE IN A WEEK?

    13 Jul 2012

    AMERICA or AUSTRALIA..Who can tell!

    "At the outset of Obama's(read Labour) administration, the political right [meaning Senator Mitch McConnell](read Abbott) literally said, out loud: 'The No1 project of this party is to make sure that this guy(lady) – this guy – only serves one term.


    How do you make sure of that? You don't allow him to do anything good or worthwhile.(never acknowledge anything that works).


    Every chance you get, block him(her), and that's what we've done.


    Which now allows us to say: 'He's(she's) failed, he/she can't get anything done.


    If he(she) loses, it simply proves what you always feared, that democracy can be bought, and that the country is owned by the rich.
    And if everything gets bought, how do we ever get the country back?"


    LET'S GIVE IT TO THE MINERS, BIG BANKS AND BIG BUSINESS....YE!

    LOOSE LIPS...BE CAREFUL!

    A US man has allegedly been arrested for pointing a gun at his neighbour after he farted outside his apartment.

    Daniel Collins Jr., 72, pointed the weapon at the 47-year-old man after he broke wind outside his flat when he walked in front of the building.

    Detective Lt. Andrew McGurr of Teaneck Police quotes Daniel as saying: "I’m going to put a hole in your head."

    When police turned up at the scene they found a gun in the front passenger seat of the pensioner's vehicle.

    Daniel was charged with aggravated assault, unlawful possession of a firearm, possession of a weapon for an unlawful purpose and terroristic threats. 
    AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE WIND AT BAY

    9 Jul 2012

    Don't drink and then go for coffee..Here!!


    Jelly geometry: The bizarre curves and warped roof of the Krzywy Domek shopping centre in the Polish town of Sopot will have had many people thinking their eyes were deceiving them

    OLYMPICS vs OLYMPIAD "CHAPS" ONLY IN ENGLAND!!



    Events of the Chap Olympiad




    Cucumber Sandwich Discus: Individuals must hurl a cucumber sandwich on a china plate, with this year’s added handicap of a side order of potato crisps
    Ironing Board Surfing: Contestants mount their ironing boards and are carried over the finishing line by their butlers and housekeepers
    Hop, Skip and G&T: Athletes must complete all three disciplines, with the emphasis on maintaining a full tumbler of gin and tonic by the end
    Umbrella Jousting: In the medieval tradition, chaps on bicycles approach each other along a boundary and use their brollies to knock each other off, protected by Bowler hats and reinforced copies of the Daily Telegraph
    Three-Trousered Limbo: Pairs of contestants are strapped into huge pairs of double trousers, with three legs, and must stumble under a steadily-lowered limbo pole
    Tug of Hair: Teams of ten tug at the tips of an enormous handlebar moustache, with the added handicap of slippery moustache wax
    Bounders: A chap must say something so caddish to a lady that he receives a slap. The bounder with the reddest face, but the wryest smile, is the winner
    Synchronised Slippages: In the Grand Olympic Paddling Pool, contestants must make an elegant display of tumbling, slipping and getting rather wet, as they attempt futilely to remain upright during their final few G and T drinks after an exhausting two days of Olympian efforts.
    These chaps appear to be oblivious of the other upcoming event in London, they appear to overwhelmed with their own prowess and are not interested the mundane goings on that are proposed in field up the road in a few weeks.
    They consider that their events are more appropriate for proper chaps, real chaps would not lower themselves to compete in such a commercial enterprise.
    E'GAD OLD CHAP IT'S SIMPLY NOT DONE!!



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