30 Nov 2012

Toilet paper sales in Australia set to drop dramatically.

IT'S NOT THE SIZE IT'S THE CONTENT

TONY WINDSOR UPSETS PAPER MANUFACTURERS

Australian toilet roll manufacturers are terrified that their market will evaporate after comments that the News Ltd newspapers are an excellent alternative to Sorbent and other brands.

These manufacturers are considering releasing a broad sheet sized toilet paper with made up stories printed on them to counteract the inroads that the Australian newspaper has already had on sales.

Their scientist have estimated that from one newspaper one could manage to approximately achieve 3,000 bottom wipes which will devastate the industry.

They believe that they can create a similar product with the same level of ethical journalism but with a much softer feel.

The product will still have tear off squares, this will enable users to select the useless sections first and keep the good bits for later use if they can find any.

Users can make the toilet experience a more fulfilling part of their lives.

The newspapers are expected to hit back by using sweet smelling printing ink, but the toilet people believe that newspapers will still smell the same, no matter which ink they use.

27 Nov 2012

TRUTH OR FICTION

THIS IS A BIG STORY

A man's former lover has allegedly tried to kill him with her huge 38DD breasts.

Tim Schmidt's ex-girlfriend was reportedly looking to make his death "as pleasant as possible" by using her assets against him and he claims it was because the 33-year-old woman was jealous of his successful career, a German court has heard.

He is quoted by the Daily Mail as telling the German court: "The incident happened in May – we were having sex.

"She was sitting on me naked and I was kissing her breasts. Suddenly she grabbed my head and pushed between her breasts with all of her force.

"I couldn't breathe any more, I must have turned blue. I couldn't tear myself free and I thought I was going to die."

The woman has denied the charge of "attempted manslaughter with a weapon".
 

26 Nov 2012

CONDOM'S TO GO...No I don't want a doggy bag


By DAVID BAKER
EAT IN OR TAKE AWAY

Bizarre: The unusual idea has been launched in the UK following success in Thailand


The name of the eatery refers to the idea that people should buy condoms alongside everyday mundane items such as cabbages. 

Diners at the new restaurant will get the chance to sample traditional Thai food 'in a cosy atmosphere' before they are presented with the information on sexual health and even urged to buy some of its unusual condom-themed merchandise.And if the name wasn't strange enough it also comes with The slogan 'And remember, our food is guaranteed not to cause pregnancy.'
Among them are condom-themed mugs, keyrings and books and even a mascot made out of the contraceptive.
The strange but unique idea originated in the Thai capital of Bangkok where its restaurants even distribute condoms with the bill.
In some of them there are even statues made out of condoms while they also adorn walls and ceilings used as decoration.


Skeleton SEX

I DID NOT MAKE THIS UP!

Swedish woman charged for sexual activities with skeleton

STOCKHOLM (Reuters) - A woman in Sweden has been charged with engaging in sexual activitieswith a human skeleton and could face jail time for disturbing the peace of the dead, a Swedish prosecutor said.
Police found a full human skeleton, skulls and a box containing other human bones by chance after responding to a call saying a shot had been fired from her flat in the city of Gothenburg.
They also discovered CD-ROMs titled "my necrophilia" and "my first experience", and photographs of the woman engaging in various sexual activities with a skeleton, a court document on the prosecutor's website showed.
It said the woman had handled the bones in a "shameful" and "unethical" manner.
"She is interested in the dead," Prosecutor Kristina Ehrenborg-Staffas told Reuters. "She has pictures of morgues, churches and graveyards."
The 37-year-old unemployed woman has also been accused of selling human bones to an artist in Uppsala in eastern Sweden this past summer.
The woman has said she bought the bones, which were around 50 years old or more and from different parts of the world, over the Internet for historical purposes and says that it is not her in the photographs.
Her trial will take place next week and she faces a maximum two years in prison if found guilty.
REAL LOVE!

ONLY IN AMERICA

HOW DO YOU TELL IF A POLITICIAN IS DEAD
IF HE'S A BACK BENCHER, IT'S HARD IN AUSTRALIA
IN AMERICA THE SYSTEM IS SO BAD IT CAN'T TELL
Reuters


 Florida Democrat Earl K. Wood and Alabama Republican Charles Beasley won their respective elections but they will not take office.
Both men died weeks before the November 6 election yet managed to beat their very much alive opponents by comfortable margins.
Wood died on October 15 from natural causes at age 96, during his campaign for a 12th term as Orange County Tax Collector in Orlando, Florida.
Criticized for rarely coming into the office while collecting a $150,000 salary and $90,000 pension, Wood initially announced he would step down, only to change his mind when a longtime political foe made plans to seek the seat.
Wood's wide name recognition after almost half a century in office scared off several serious contenders. His name remained on the ballot and he took 56 percent of the votes to 44 percent for a Republican who promised to eliminate the office altogether if elected.
Beasley, 77, died on October 12, possibly due to an aneurysm, while trying to reclaim his old seat on the Bibb County Commission in central Alabama.
Beasley's name also remained on the ballot and he won about 52 percent of the vote. His Democratic opponent, incumbent Commissioner Walter Sansing, took the loss especially hard.
"It is a touchy situation. When you are running against a dead man, you are limited as to what you can say" 
He blamed people voting straight Republican tickets for his loss.
YEP! THIS IS THE LAND OF THE FREE
EVEN WHEN YOUR DEAD YOU HAVE EQUAL RIGHTS

23 Nov 2012

Crooks go to UK's Iceland to eat.

In Iceland you can't steal meat or cheese
vegetables maybe?,before the price rises.

A Supermarket chain is forced to put lamb and even cheese in anti-theft security boxes

  • Supermarket chain Iceland says that it has been forced into 'defence mechanisms' by growing number of HUNGRY shoplifters
  • The security tactic has been employed in hundreds of stores throughout the UK


Charity bosses are not surprised by a rise in food thefts because food prices are forcing many families to be 'desperate' for food

Stop thief: Hungry shoplifters won't be stealing these lamb joints in a hurry, they are encased in a security box

Crime-hit supermarket chain Iceland, has resorted to using the 'lamb saver boxes', normally used to protect more expensive goods, however with the cost of meat rising  they consider employing this measure which triggers an alarm if a shoplifter attempts to leave the store with meat products to be cost effective.

The security tactic has been employed in hundreds of the chain's stores across the UK.


Cheese and meat joints have been locked away in security-sealed boxes by a crime-hit supermarket in a bid to thwart hungry thieves.

Checkout assistants at the stores have told customers the supermarket chain also plans to fix security tags to its cheese - or lock the dairy goods away from reach.

The motorcycle store manager and father-of-three from Herne Bay, Kent, said: 'I just think it is sad that people feel they have to steal from Iceland to survive.
'What is the world coming to? When I saw them I couldn’t believe it.

'Someone trying to swipe something expensive from Marks & Spencer you can almost understand, but pinching meat from Iceland?

'What will they do next, put an electric fence around the fish fingers?
IF YOU CAN AFFORD ONE OF THESE

YOU CAN AFFORD THIS


19 Nov 2012

A ROAST TO COST OVER $1000 and $575,000 for a full beast .This is all bull


Joyce's $100 roast

his LOGIC......rubbish!


Senator Barnaby Joyce says a single cow or lamb could effectively cost as much as a house, if it meant an abbatoir was pushed over the edge and had to pay the carbon tax.
Senator Joyce said the $23 a tonne tax will be imposed on businesses that emitted more than the threshold of 25,000 tonnes of carbon dioxide equivalent or more each year.

He says ''Seeing that there's a 25,000 tonne limit, and then you pay the $23-a-tonne carbon tax"
At the moment actually in abattoirs around this nation they don't pay the carbon tax.

If they break through the limit he is saying ''That next beast costs them 23,000 by $23 which - what's that - $575,000 for a beast, so it's costing you vastly more than a $100 roast, that one.''

Now this could be be confusing unless we all had brains  like Senator Joyce, he think this is quite a logical conclusion.

Well I'm afraid I can't get my head around his logic, and the maths! what maths?

Can you believe this guy is an elected senator, the mind boggles that he may even become the leader of his party.

There was a time when I quite liked Barnaby, I considered him harmless and funny, but WOW, this is stretching it. How much will a chop cost, I guess it will be priceless like his logic. 


THIS IS ONLY A PICTURE
REMEMBER WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE
YOU'LL NEVER OWN A REAL ONE
The future according to Barnaby

14 Nov 2012

Jewish community not immune from Sexual Abuse.


  • November 14, 201212:00AM



NO COMMUNITIES ARE IMMUNE 
VICTIMS of child sexual abuse in Melbourne's Jewish community are being ordered by religious leaders not to report incidents to police.
Jewish community insiders say Melbourne's ultra-Orthodox Chabad community has banded together to cover up cases of sexual abuse.
Sources have also accused Jewish leaders of intimidating victims, their families and supporters and threatening to expel them from the tight-knit community.
One of the global Chabad community's most senior figures has categorically warned at least one victim he could not report allegations of abuse to police, the Herald Sun has confirmed.
The senior rabbi, who was a leader in education for several decades within the Australian Chabad movement, said doing so would ruin the alleged perpetrator's life and would amount to "grave sin" under Jewish law.
The victim said he had raised the allegations with the rabbi at the time but said nothing was done.

Catholic church..See no evil,Hear no evil,Speak no evil.

CATHOLIC CHURCH


THE country's highest-ranked Catholic has refused to name and shame priests who admit to paedophilia during confessional in order to preserve the rite's sanctity.
Cardinal George Pell, yesterday welcomed the royal commission into child sexual abuse and said he would front the commission if called upon.
However, he also confirmed that priests who made paedophile admissions during confessional would not be handed over to police because "the Seal of Confession is inviolable".Then nothing changes, what a brake through!
The comments drew criticism from Premier Barry O'Farrell, a Catholic, yesterday who said he "struggled to understand, that if a priest confesses to another priest that he's been involved in paedophile activities that that information should not be brought to police".
Cardinal Pell instead, openly advised priests to avoid hearing confessions of sexual abuse from fellow priests. So if you think someone's a paedophile just don't listen, and then what?
"If the priest knows beforehand about such a situation, the priest should refuse to hear the confession," he said. So priests under these circumstances shouldn't report the person to the police?
"I would never hear the confession of a priest who's suspected of such a thing."said the Cardinal. Well Cardinal if you suspect someone of  paedophilia what action would you take. So you think not listening is the solution?
Surely by burying your head in the sand, in a way you condone this type of behaviour.
The damage to the church is ongoing and your statements about the press singling out the Catholic church are not helping. People in Australia are not stupid, your church has a shocking history with regard to paedophilia, why can't you admit that it has been handled badly. 


13 Nov 2012

LOVED TO DEATH, OR A DREAM?

A MAN was left crying in the street after he was forced to repeatedly pleasure a German nymphomaniac.


"I met her on a bus... She invited me back here. Oh God, it was hell. I can't walk. Please help me," he told Munich police when they found him in tears outside her apartment after the 36-hour episode.

The man only escaped her apartment after the woman fell asleep.

The same 47-year-old woman was arrested in April after she picked up 43-year-old craftsman Dieter Schultz who issued a statement confirming that they met at a pub at 1.30pm.

"The woman took the new acquaintance in her apartment. Then came the repeated act of love."

The man tried to leave, but the woman would not let him.

When he called police for help, Schultz claimed she was trying to "kill me with sex". 

The woman reportedly tried to seduce the two arresting officers with a "quickie" - who politely declined.

Apparently another pair of officers arrived to investigate the allegations, however they have not returned to the station since, there is talk of a task force being set up investigate their disappearance.

They have asked for volunteers for this dangerous assignment.


GET A WHIFF OF THIS

THOSE SMELLS THAT DON'T REPEL

Underpants which are claimed to neutralise the smell of flatulence are proving a hit in Japan.

Hard-working businessmen seem to like the idea of breaking wind without getting rumbled. 

A Japanese textile company has developed a range of underwear which it says prevent unwelcome odours. "It took us a few years to develop the first deodorant pants that are comfortable enough to wear in daily life but efficient in quickly eliminating strong smells," said Nami Yoshida, a spokeswoman for the company, Seiren.

"At first we thought about selling them to those who require nursing care and to hospitals. "But to our surprise, lots of ordinary people, like businessmen who are in positions that require them to see people on a daily basis, bought them," she said.

 The underwear is manufactured with sniff-absorbing ceramic particles in the material fibres.

 Seiren developed the technology after being contacted by a doctor who wanted something to disguise the regular smells emitted by people suffering from irritable bowel syndrome.

The company's range has now expanded to 22 items, including socks that prevent feet from smelling and t-shirts that mask the whiff of sweaty armpits.
IT WASN'T ME, I SWEAR.....

THIS FOX BLEW THE WHISTLE..THANK GOD!




Who prompted this Royal Commission inquiry.
'This is the the kind of Fox you want on your side'

Detective Chief Inspector Peter Fox
Yes it was he who said the NSW enquiry was inadequate.

Inspector Fox had called for a state-wide royal commission into sex abuse and the church, and said the limited special commission  in NSW  focusing on one region was an ''insult''.

He said. ''What the central issue is, it's about the cover-up and the handling within the church.
''If we're going to do it, let's do it properly, these kids and these families deserve much more than that … don't slap them in the face and walk away with a half answer.''

Inspector Fox wrote to Mr O'Farrell on Wednesday night calling on him to establish a royal commission into sexual abuse by priests, warning that the victims are coming forward in ever-increasing numbers.
Inspector Fox's plea for a Royal Commission was ignored.

''I can testify from my own experience that the church covers up, silences victims, hinders police investigations, alerts offenders, destroys evidence and moves priests to protect the good name of the church,'' he wrote.

Detective Inspector Peter Fox should be protected from any repercussions from within the NSW police force and he should be seconded to the Australia wide enquiry.

This guy is a legend, he has put himself out there, put his job on the line, le's make sure he is rewarded, not buried like many whistle blowers in the past.

12 Nov 2012

STUPID... BUT NOT SICK....DUMB IDEA!

WOW WHAT A GREAT IDEA?

Hangover prevention patch goes on sale in UK

A so-called hangover prevention remedy has gone on sale in the UK.

The Bytox Hangover Prevention Patch – which is similar to a nicotine patch – claims to stop hangovers happening before they even start by replenishing a person's vitamins and acids lost when consuming alcohol on a night out.

The device - which went on sale in New York late last year – is applied to a person's body 45 minutes before they start drinking and left on for around eight hours after they have finished plying themselves with alcohol, or the next day.

One user has already praised the patch – which is priced at £12.99 for a pack of five – posting on various websites: "I tried it twice. Both times after nine or 10 Martinis. I can only account for myself. It works great."
 
AND I  CAN DO THIS TOO

11 Nov 2012

WHEN DO WE GET AN AUSTRALIA WIDE ROYAL COMMISSION INTO CHILD ABUSE.

Let's see some real bipartisanship between the Government and the Coalition for once. I don't care what you believe in, this is a sin against humanity!

HOW BAD DOES SOMETHING HAVE TO SMELL
BEFORE WE KNOW ITS ROTTEN

Pedophilia should be stamped out in Australia and state governments are sitting on their hands, not to mention the hierarchy of the Catholic church and other denominations.

It is time the Federal government took ownership of  this problem once and for all, every Aussie worth his or her salt is sick of the don't rock the boat attitude of the states.

This is above politics, the time has long past when people would do anything to protect the old school tie or the reputation of their local diocese.

As an Australian I am sick and tired of hearing of more and more cases being uncovered, yet what do we do, very little.
Just how high up the do the cover ups reach, how many good police and politicians have been lent on to save the reputation of schools and churches.

How many in the higher the echelons of power have turned a blind eye after being assured that it will be taken care of by certain so called responsible churchmen and school masters.
Australia smells and I don't like it one little bit!



8 Nov 2012

HAVE YOU BEEN ROMNEY'D LATELY.

THE DEFINITION OF A ROMNEY after a Tea Party is added


Mitt Romney is now officially a historical footnote. But future generations will likely be puzzled by what exactly a "Mitt Romney" is and why America cared. That could be difficult to explain, especially when we suspect that the annals of history will assume that Mitt Romney is one of the following:
  • A type of knot
  • A weird sex position
  • The back seat on a canoe
  • That feeling where you can't remember someone's name
  • The scientific name for a towel rod
  • A dance
  • A Native American tribe
  • Some kind of acronym
  • A cookbook for people who can't read
  • A type of French fries
  • A nickname for soup
  • A cul-de-sac with two entrances
  • An actor from the 1940s who specialized in playing butlers and detectives
  • The national currency of New Zealand
  • A type of artificial chocolate
  • When one man compliments another man's hat
  • Finance jargon
  • A slur against paraplegic Eskimos
  • A rotten tangerine
  • A shade of green not found in nature
  • Debunked rumor about the mating habits of fleas
  • A book that is neither hardcover nor paperback
  • A carnival ride
  • Definitely not a president
  •  

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