29 Jan 2013

I will not tell porkies says Tony Abbott "IMPOSSIBLE" he's a politician.

TONY Abbott has promised no fibs,(ha,ha, sorry I just have to laugh) and no surprises if he wins this year's federal election.
Against claims he has secret plans to slash spending or make sweeping industrial relations changes if he becomes prime minister, Mr Abbott vowed to stick by election promises.
"This will be a no surprises from us, says Tony.
"We are not going to say one thing before an election and do the opposite afterwards, says Tony. (I'd like a dollar for every time a politician has said that)
He leaves the back door open wide enough to drive an Airbus through it.
Why, because it is hard to understand how his "no surprises" pledge will apply when he is to have a commission of audit into spending straight after the election and an inquiry into child care funding.
We all remember how the Howard Government made sweeping cuts to what it said were "non-core promises" after winning power in 1996.
So Tony's statements are as clear as all the policies he has not yet  released.
Trust me, trust me, Please!
I wouldn't tell a lie.


28 Jan 2013

NO Party's in Australia for 2013

The Coalition"s pledge to be more positive was a total let down, no new policies just a repetition of their No policies that we've all heard before.

The mini-launch in the key battleground of western Sydney and backed by television advertisements last night, promised to get government spending down and productivity up. However there was no detail of any kind.

The launch was nothing but the old story, trust us we know best, that was the theme, We are getting used to the born to rule routine, but it is so bloody boring.

The speech did not contain any new plans at all
Ah, yes there was one new No Policy, Mr Abbott did not renew a commitment to return the federal budget to surplus during his first year in office.
So folks after this anti-climax we can all go back to sleep, knowing that we have the same old 'No Party' out there doing their thing, their commitment to innovation will not cause sleepless nights in 2013.
By the way Joe Hockey's new slimline figure, following gastric sleeve surgery last month was unveiled at the launch, it was met with friendly heckling of, "Looking good, Jo"(now that's big news)

25 Jan 2013

Johnny Howard The greatest???

John Howard voted the best Prime 

Minister of a generation

LITTLE Johnny Howard has proved to be a giant among his contemporaries, voted the country's best prime minister of the past quarter century(25 years).
So according to Gemma Jones this poll is credible.
Let's think about it for a minute, who was PM for almost half of the last 25 years, mmmmm, oh yes it was Little Johnny, well what do you know, I wonder if that would have any bearing on this poll?
Come  on, if it's a quiet news day just tell us, we don't need this, when you have a more balanced poll, then you have a story.
Who knows, the result may be the same, but it will be credible.

20 Jan 2013

I TOLD A LANCE(Armstrong). Yes it was a lie! I changed it to a "Lance" Why, because it worked for him.

Warning, Warning beware of developing
an Armstrong Mouth


Armstrong, what a waist of time this guy is, this guy couldn't lay straight in bed.

Are we supposed to believe anything thing he says, never, it's patently obvious that he still thinks he's hard done by. Fancy complaining about his ban from competition being to harsh compared to other drug takers, what makes this guy tick, can't he understand that he has hurt his sport for money, not once but seven times.

How many times has done the same thing, did he really have great talent or was it just great drugs that he had used forever.

Young cyclists around the world must be terribly disillusioned to learn that Armstrong says without drugs you can't win, what a loser.

18 Jan 2013

Waking up could be a shock for some!

An alarm clock with an electrified snooze button.This Gadget gives small shock of under one volt through the snooze button to jolt people into action


    A student who was unable to get up in time for lectures has invented an alarm clock that can shock owners awake.
    Sankalp Sinha, 19, came up with the idea after getting into the habit of hitting the snooze button on his alarm clock and then going back to sleep.
    The teenager tried to think of something which would force him out of bed and so invented one that administers a small electric shock via the snooze button.
    The alarm clock administers a small electric shock of under one volt when the user goes to turn it off or hit the snooze button
    The alarm clock administers a small electric shock of under one volt when the user goes to turn it off or hit the snooze button

    When the user presses the aluminium-coated snooze button on the top of the clock, harmless micro-volts of electric current are emitted to jolt them into life.

    The power is a fraction of a volt compared to the 50,000 volts administered by a standard police Taser gun - and under one volt.
      Sankalp, who is studying automobile engineering, is hoping his 'Good Morning Sing N Shock' clock will be in production soon.

      He said his invention will ensure that even the deepest sleeper will be up and ready for the working day.

      These will have to cheap because I can see many of them being euthanized early in their life.
      A new type of off switch.

      Ground down horse! Burger! Burger! Burger! Only 63% beef! Could this be happening in Australia...maybe?

      British Burgers Beef. Neyee,Neyee!
      Stop this horsing around

      Tesco burgers apparently contain up to 29% horse DNA are likely to have been made with high-protein powders derived from horse rather than fresh meat.
      The main focus of efforts to trace the source of adulteration in the Tesco economy burgers has now shifted from the meat itself to additives used in the manufacturing process.

      Not that anyone is passing the BUCK, but you may BUCK at the price for this part horse burger.

      The Irish processors ABP have pointed the finger at suppliers of the "beef ingredient products" it uses to make cheap burgers. Silly me, I would have thought that "beef ingredient products" should be just that, beef.

      So now we know, that if you want to beef up the beef what you do is add HORSEY!

      The Tesco burgers were only 63% meat and 37% other ingredients.
      Economy burgers are typically bulked out with additive mixes of concentrated proteins extracted from animal carcasses and offcuts.Pardon me what animals?

      Sources in the industry have said that the 29% horse DNA is thought more likely to have originated with these high-protein powders from rendered horses rather than any fresh horse meat.

      Rendered horse, is this another breed of horse, one that resembles beef, then again I have heard beefing up a horse!

      16 Jan 2013

      The mining tax that ate Australia!

      The mining tax that would eat
      Australia just aint!

      Now I just wanted to remind people that Australia has put in place a mining tax, the Coalition almost had a heart attack, their mates in the industry were all about to go broke, shock horror!

      Well, we now have this terrible tax, what's happened, have all the miners gone bust or pulled out of Australia, no they haven't, in fact none of them have paid a cent and, in fact, they have all increased production.

      Guess what the Coalition are complaining about now, you guessed it, their complaining about the government not getting enough tax from the miners, they want to know why, what's happened?

      Joe Hockey and Tony Abbott have egg all over their faces, how can they save face?

      I know, says Joe, we'll attack the government about transparency, then we'll attack the Tax office that should do it.

      I don't know about that, says Tony people might remember how we backed the miners so much over this tax and wake up to the fact that we always do what miners tell us to do.

      No, No, No says Joe, you've forgotten one thing Tony, voters can't even remember what day it is, never mind what happened a few months ago.
      Remember Tony if you tell a lie over and over these dumb voters start to believe it, its that simple.

      14 Jan 2013

      ISRAEL The spoiled child, its so sad.

      You child have not grown up to be a nice person.
      You were forced to move from your old home by bad people who were going to hurt you.

      So you had to move to a new home, it was someone else's country but the world didn't mind if you took it over and made it yours.(It was called Palestine)

      Now you and your children were a little frightened so you asked your friends in the world for something to make you less frightened.

      Now because the world knew you'd had a hard time they decided to give you something to stop it crying, they gave you lots of armaments including atomic weapons and they trusted you because you had ,had such a rough trot in the past, they knew that you would be responsible.

      The world was sure that after what you had been through, you would be fair with the Palestinians, after all it was their country before you took it over.

      Now what has happened, like all children that are spoiled when young, you always want more, you become greedy, you forget the past and the hardships, you can't see that you are becoming a little like the bad people that you ran away from.

      Israel builds more homes in Gaza, again!

      13 Jan 2013

      Money for jam. No it's "GARLIC"


      Manhunt on for £8m British garlic smugglers!

      (but who'd want to share their cell...?)

      The European Anti-Fraud Office, launched an investigation in 2010, and their inquiries led to the police capturing a truck containing 28 tonnes of Chinese garlic on the Norwegian-Swedish border in June that year.

      They estimated that an estimated 1,200 tonnes of Chinese garlic had been illegally imported into the EU via Norway during the preceding 18 months by a gang of smugglers.

      Sweden refused to say whether the arrest warrant for the alleged British garlic smugglers was linked to their earlier inquiry. 

      This is one of many convictions, last month, a London-based import-export merchant was sentenced to six years imprisonment for smuggling thousands of kilos of Chinese garlic into Britain and dodging an estimated £2 million in import duty. He said it was fresh ginger which is free of duty.

      In Ireland, the head of a major fruit and vegetable importing company was jailed for six years in March last year for smuggling into the EU over a thousand tons of Chinese garlic disguised as apples.

      Apart from helping to keep Dracula at bay and lining the pockets of vegetable smugglers, garlic possesses countless health benefits. It has long been considered a herbal “wonder drug” with a reputation in folklore for preventing everything from the common cold to cancer.

      It's apparent garlic smuggling is both very lucrative and healthy, although if your given away by the smell, and caught, then you may think twice about smuggling something that smells quite as strong next time.

      In days gone by garlic was even used to help ward off the plague however its obvious that it does not ward of the authorities in 2013.

      Wheel chair robber?

      Western Australia, a bank has allegedly been robbed by a 61-year-old with an unusual getaway vehicle – a motorized wheelchair.
      The man allegedly entered the Bankwest store in on Rokeby Road, Subiaco about 2.40pm on Friday and demanded money from the teller.
      There is no indication he was armed in any way.
      The man, who is reported to be missing a leg, was given an amount of cash and left the store in the motorized wheelchair.
      Police found the man a short time later at the corner of Hamersley Road and Robinson Street and arrested him.
      He will face one count of robbery at the Perth Magistrate’s Court on January 24.

      Wheel always get our man!

      9 Jan 2013

      They WONDER why the Greens frighten people. This Green is over the top!

      Green MP congratulates hoaxer whose deceit triggered share market turmoil and panic!
      THE Greens leader, Senator Christine Milne, has endorsed a controversial hoax by an anti-coal activist, saying his actions were ''part of a long and proud history of civil disobedience, potentially breaking the law, to highlight something wrong''.

      Her comments came after a tweet by her colleague Lee Rhiannon, who publicly congratulated Jonathan Moylan, an activist under scrutiny for impersonating a bank and temporarily wiping $314 million off the value of Whitehaven Coal.

      Shares in Whitehaven, which counts the struggling coal baron Nathan Tinkler as its biggest shareholder, fell from $3.52 to $3.21 in rapid time before the stock was put into a trading halt.



      As someone who goes along with some of the Green policies I am appalled by Senator Christine Milne, the Greens leader's attitude over this matter.

      Bob Brown must be shocked by her, for condoning the actions of  Jonathan Moylan she has not done the Greens any favours.
      He has broken the law, what he did is illegal.

      It is one thing to protest against mining and another to hurt share holders, some of whom are mums and dads.

      Canberran's Don't forget! This could happen again! Be vigilant!

      IT'S 2013
      Be Vigilant it Saves lives!

      Remember The Canberra bushfires of 2003 caused severe damage to the outskirts of Canberra, the Australian capital city. Almost 70% of theAustralian Capital Territory’s pasture, forests (pine plantations) and nature parks were severely damaged.


      Remember this!
      BE AWARE!

      Mr I AM!! Tony Abbott just had to remind us. I am a volunteer says Abbott and don't you forget it!

      Why did Abbott have to tell us he has been called up to fight the fires, is it something we had to know, he is only one of the 70,000 great volunteer's in N S W.

      Tony Abbott was once described as "bordering on superhuman" so N S W is now safe!

      Apparently Tony thought he should let us know immediately of his call up, as if to reassure us that we are all safe now.

      We all know about his superhuman ability, why must we always be reminded of how good he is!

      I am surprised they could find a helmet that would fit his head.

      To all the volunteers that are doing a wonderful job without the publicity, carry on with the good work.

      If Tony thinks he's special, he's not, he's just one of the many who carry out this work in terrible conditions.

      They don't chase the newspapers to get their picture in the papers.

      8 Jan 2013



      1  Thou shall have NO other leader than me2  Thou shall not worship NO pictures of anyone but me
      3  NO one shall not take the word of me(only when it is written)
      4  Remember the sabbath, try not to say NO on the sabbath
      5  Honour thy father and thy mother by becoming NO one but Prime Minister
      6  Thou shall not kill NO one to remain leader of the party(unless required) 
      7  Thou shall have a relationship with NO other party than the Liberals

      8  NO one else shall steal the leadership except me, one vote is enough!
      9  NO, you thou shall not bear false witness unless you can hurt the government
      10 Thou shall not covet any position, NO, only that of the Prime Minister
      11 Thou shall not believe in Global warming, NO never,  unless temperatures are above 50c
      12 Thou shall believe you are in the only party that is truly born to rule, NO one else

      "During the three-way Liberal leadership contest between Malcolm Turnbull, Joe Hockey and Tony Abbott, all three men consulted with Jesuit priests." (according to The Australian)

      Tony Abbott turned to his mentor Emmet Costello St Ignatius Riverview 
      Joe Hockey confided with Jesuit priest Michael Ryan SJ. 

      Malcolm Turnbull turned to Jesuit Priest Richard Leonard SJ.

      By the way, the Vatican has more in common with totalitarianism than democracy because of its own political nature and structure, since the Pope is regarded as being infallible like a supreme dictator.(Perhaps Tony Abbott has similar traits for as of today he has never admitted being wrong)

      Would you fork out for this!


      The £60 'smart fork' that can monitor everything you eat - and sound an alarm if you overdo the dessert

      • Gadget set to go on sale in April, and comes complete with an 'eating coach' app
      • Fork vibrates and lights flash if user tries too eat too quickly
      Smart cutlery that can monitor exactly how much you eat is set to go on sale within months.
      The HAPIfork uses electronic sensors to monitor how much , and how fast a user is eating.
      If they eat too quickly, the fork vibrates, and bright lights flash on its handle.
      It will sell for $99, also claims to reduce digestive problems and acid reflux

      The fork will track the duration of a meal, the number of fork servings and the duration of each interval between servings

      The smart fork can monitor any food, and warn user's if they are eating too quickly.
      They tried to get teeth to tell us how much we could eat, this is the next best thing?

      Chuck Hagel..Is he a sinner because he's not dominated by ISRAEL like other Republicans?


      Chuck Hagel’s sin was that he was one of the few defectors among congressional Republicans regarding the Iraq War.

      Even though Hagel voted for President George W. Bush’s war authorization, he eventually recognized his mistake. Hagel said he believes the Iraq War was one of the biggest blunders in U.S. history.

      He sharply criticized the Bush/Cheney foreign policy as “reckless,” saying it was playing “ping pong with American lives.”

      He has also reportedly said in the past that Israel should not dictate foreign policy to America.(Israel's allies in the Republican camp are sharpening their knives) 
      The new US Defence secretary?
      Shock horror! An honest politician?
      Who doesn't jump when Israel says jump!

      7 Jan 2013

      BISHOPS WILL LIE! Self protection!

      'So you say, hey! bishop, are you having sex with your partner?"
       You can't imagine anyone asking that question with a straight face. Anyhow what constitutes sex anyway?  Is it Snogging?..... Toe-sucking?..or.....*********
       (Does the Church of England have a position on this? Standing or lying?)
      The new line from the C of E is that gay men in civil partnerships can be bishops as long as they refrain from sex (you could put it another way, you can have gay bishops as long as they are not really gay)
      This raises the question:  how on earth will the authorities ever find out? A CCTV in every bedroom? Cameras fitted to underpants?
      No, the only way the bedroom police could ever really know is if they ask, and they believe in the honesty of those being interrogated.
      Now we have it, do sexually active gay priests or bishops have a moral responsibility to tell the truth?
      No I think not. I'd go further, in this situation, they may have a moral responsibility to lie.
      We lie for self-advancement. Morally, it's a no-brainer that this is wrong, at other times, we lie because we don't trust another with the truth.
      We have good reason to believe that they will use it to hurt us or others. In this case of sexually active gay priests and bishops, this fear is completely justified.
      That ordinarily people should maintain a strong presumption in favour of telling the truth is true.
      However the situation in which gay people in the church find themselves is far from ordinary, it is an impossible one.
      A friend of mine once accompanied priest, who had just come out, to a gay club in Birmingham. He wasn't game to go on his own. He needn't have worried. There were loads of priests in the club.
      The ridiculous thing was, that night they were having a vicars and tarts party. So the only people in the place who were not dressed as priests were the ones who actually were.
      "The truth will set you free" says the Bible.
       In circumstances of oppression, freedom and truth go underground.

      Remember Christmas Cheer Oh, Dear!


      1. You know you have if you... notice your tie sticking out of your fly.
       2. Someone uses your tongue for a coaster.
       3. You start kissing the portraits on the wall.
       4. You see your underwear hanging from the chandelier.
       5. You have to hold on to the floor to keep from sliding off.
       6. You strike a match and light your nose.
       7. You hear a duck quacking, and it's you.
       8. You complain about the small bathroom after emerging from the closet.
       9. You refill your glass from the fish bowl.
       10. You tell everyone you have to go home... and the party's at your place.
       11. You ask for another ice cube and put it in your pocket.
       12. You yawn at the biggest bore in the room... and realize you're in front of the hall mirror.
       13. You pick up a roll, and butter your watch.
       14. You take out your handkerchief and blow your ear.
       15. You tell your best joke to the rubber plant.
       16. You realize you're the only one under the coffee table.

      For public good, or just to slam the ABC once again

      Another Australian story
      The Australian Jan 7: 2013

      ABC fights to keep top staff pay secret

      THE ABC could be forced to disclose details of the pay packets of its top broadcasters and producers at programs such as Media Watch, Four Corners and Mornings.
      The national broadcaster received $1 billion in government funding in the last financial year and spent $486 million on wages and superannuation.
      The average person doesn't want to know, why then does this group of newspapers want to know, well it's pretty obvious, these are the same group that attack the ABC continuously.
      Why are they always on the attack, well they don't believe in public broadcasting in any shape or form.
      Do we ever see private media groups disclose the salaries of their top people, no, their salaries are confidential and so they should be.

      6 Jan 2013


      In Austria, It's Pronounced 'Fooking'

      Tourists can't resist a photo with an Austrian road sign.

      In 2005 the town considered changing its name, but ultimately decided to keep it because of its long history. At that time the villages Police Chief Kommandant Schmidtberger said
      "...we will not stand for the Fucking signs being removed. It may be very amusing for you British, but Fucking is simply Fucking to us. What is this big Fucking joke?"

      Fucking, Austria — It's safe to say that Lord Focko had no idea the village named after him would one day become a sanctuary for English-speaking sex tourists.
      Since Lord Focko's death some 600 years ago, the village's name has gone through various incarnations, from Fukching to Fugkhing, until settling in its current, widely popular spelling, Fucking.
      The woman at the area information center said"There is nothing to do in Fucking. There isn't even a hotel."
      Turns out she is wrong on both counts, terribly wrong.
      Only three types of tourists apparently visit this area: those who want to take in the Alpine scenery, those who want to see Adolf Hitler's birthplace in Braunau, and those who want to visit Fucking and people interested in climbing the nearby mountain called Wank.
      According to "Fucking Travel Tips" on the website Virtual Tourist, the number one thing to do in Fucking is "seeing the road signs."
      The lack of excitement hasn't stopped hordes of primarily young British tourists from making a pilgrimage to pay their respects to Lord Focko each year.
      The favourite thing is taking pictures of themselves in front of the Fucking road sign, often in various degrees of nudity or even during sexual intercourse.
      Fifteen signs have gone missing in a year. Producing new ones at approximately $500 a piece has been a significant budget burden for the village of 104 people.
      Lothar Lerch, who writes frequently about Fucking for Virtual Tourist, recommends a road trip from Kissing(Germany)to Fucking(Austria). A direct route from Kissing to Fucking takes just over two hours. The scenic route includes stops in Petting or Tittmoning. A detour through Condom, let alone Wedding which takes much longer.
      Lerch documented his trip by taking numerous pictures of the road signs.
      "We thought that the Fucking locals are used to that but suddenly an elderly guy stopped his car just beside us while we took some of these pics and he asked us what the ******g hell were we doing here, because just recently again one of the road signs was stolen."
      The village of Fucking, all three dozens houses of it, is quaint, but fiercely determined not to cater to tourists who are there because of the infamous road signs. There are no souvenir shops selling Fucking postcards and the last person in the village who tried to sell "I Love Fucking" T-shirts was forced by fellow villagers to stop capitalizing on good 'ole Fooking.

      The only place in town that legitimately cashes in on Fucking's fame is a bed and breakfast called Gasthof Lindlbauer. Although it sits a few hundred feet behind the road sign marking the end of Fucking, it provides sex tourists with a handful of pleasant rooms decorated, somewhat discouragingly, with a sculpture of a crucified Jesus.
      For those unwilling to fornicate outside by the Fucking sign, the guesthouse does provide a legal alternative.
      This humor, fortunately, doesn't end there.
      A man who works at the guest house, a self-described "great cooker" and a semi-professional artist, works at the guest house and pours what he calls a "good Fucking beer."
      It is only a matter of time until the restaurant starts serving the new, controversial brew called "Fucking Hell," a type of pale lager, or "hell" in German.
      The European Patent Office first rejected the trademark, but was forced to approve it earlier this year after a German brewery claimed that Fucking Hell just means "lager from the village of Fucking."
      Tourists, they get are typically disappointed because they have great expectations for Fucking and all they find is a boring little village full of farmers.
      "Sometimes, I think somebody should open up a nightclub or swingers club in Fucking," he said.
      A free spirit in Lindlbauer has a studio filled with his own erotic-imagery paintings and portraits.
      On the wall, he spray-painted a logo of the cigarette company Lucky Strikes, with the letters switched up to read "Fucky Likes.
      "This might be the only Fucking village in the world," he said proudly and as far as he knows, he is the only Fucking artist. Although many an artist would kill to have his address, Lindlbauer hopes to leave Fucking behind one day and move to Australia, where the Fucking word is commonly used in many contexts.

      5 Jan 2013

      FIRE FIGHTERS IN AUSTRALIA DESERVE MEDALS Think about 40c heat, then ad fire!

      Tasmanian bushfire
      Aussie fire fighters fight heat and fire
      South Australia menaced by fires
      Victoria battling more than 30 grassfires
      Tasmania between 80 and 100 homes lost and one dead as people escape blaze by boat.Residents park cars on beaches to save them from the blaze.
      Queensland Fire and Rescue Service (QFRS) has renewed calls for south west Queensland residents to remain vigilant with heightened fire danger expected across the weekend.

      4 Jan 2013

      JESUS is still an Australian? Even though he lives in the UK.

    • From: News Limited Network
    • December 13, 2012

    • JESUS has made his second coming in time for Christmas.
      It was during an international darts competition at a British seaside resort.

      Well, at least many wanted to believe it was him, mind you the abundance of cheap beer could of had some bearing on what followed.

      The bearded Australian Nathan Grindal, disrupted a televised final of a darts competition in Minehead, 300km west of London.

      Mr Grindal was enjoying the clash between former world champion Phil Taylor and Belgian rival Kim Huybrechts when the audience unexpectedly began chanting "stand up if you love Jesus".

      Mr Grindal's long blond locks and his beard apparently convinced some at the Butlins resort in Minehead, Somerset, it was Jesus sitting among them in the audience.

      The chanting grew more disruptive, security was called in to ask Mr Grindal to leave.

      Even though organisers realised the Australian, who moved to the UK six years ago, had done nothing wrong, his presence was causing the disturbance.

      The 33-year-old was escorted by security to another bar and bought a pint of beer, and he was forced to watch the finals clash from a TV.

      "I didn't go to the darts dressed as Jesus, I went as me, it was all very weird" said Mr Grindal.

      After the competition, Taylor a competitor said: "If I ever see Jesus again, I'll crucify him myself."
      Mr Grindal said he was fearful of ever attending a live darts match again.

      Organisers defended their action, saying his presence was causing a nuisance for the players, but conceded the four-pint pitchers of beer they were selling had encouraged the boisterous crowd to create the apparition.

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