The lucky stroke crippled me and gave me a new life. Now I'm just unbelievably good looking and modest. Always turn a little to the left.
30 Mar 2013
NO MASTER CHEF HERE. NO! HE'S IN THE WINGS
MASTER CHEF OR NOT MASTER CHEF
Tony Abbott V Julia Gillard
I can only imagine she'd employ the limited time to attempt the culinary version of a landmine. Perhaps, the perfect souffle.
If she pulled off, a magnificent victory, worthy of the respect of her rivals.
Just to increase a sense of jeopardy, Gillard adds a rose-water infusion, encases the souffle in Belgian chocolate and attempts an interior sorbet, impervious to melting, even in a 200 degree oven. What could possibly go wrong?
On the other side of the kitchen, Tony watches. Still stoic like.
He thinks for a moment. Then, another moment. Moments become minutes.
They cut to a commercial break.
He calmly announces his proposed masterpiece: a dish certain to appeal to the breadth of the country's palate.
Yes a simple, unfussy recipe that can't fail to satisfy, if not exactly impress …
Grilled cheese on toast!
Tony knows that any new ideas are dangerous, he's saying his usual..Trust Me,Trust Me!
Yes this is utter genius. White bread. A slice of Bega. Five minutes in a standard oven.
What could possibly go wrong?
The collective shoulders of the nation's foodies sag in resignation, then... we realise that all is not lost.
Our saviour is close at hand! Malcolm's beef Wellington: a dish that combines innovation with just the right balance of familiarity.
Oh no, hang on, Malcolm isn't anywhere near the kitchen? He's not even in the show?
We all know how we'd like this story to end but all is lost I'm afraid.
I DID THE AUDITION....BUT.......GOT CUT AT THE END!